HBO's Rome

My mom and I needed a series to watch over winter break that was a.) good and b.) short.


Enter Rome, HBO's 22-episode miniseries.

You will probably not like this show if you display any of the following characteristics:

(1.) aversion to nudity or hedonistic sex scenes,

(2.) dislike of gut-wrenching disgusting violence,

(3.) little knowledge of Roman history,

(4.) significant knowledge of Roman history, and you want it portrayed accurately.

Praemonitus praemunitus, forewarned is forearmed! Let us therefore commence.

I found this show enjoyable despite its historical inaccuracy, and stressful despite its enjoyablity! The series revolves primarily around two groups of people. The first group consists of two centurions: the severe and traditional Lucius Vorenus (played by Kevin McKidd), and carefree sell-sword Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson). Vorenus is head honcho in his legion but he and foot soldier Pullo find themselves in so many scrapes together that they eventually become best friends. They are frequently present at great moments in Roman history, which in this show span from Julius Caesar's conquest of Gaul to Octavian's ascension as emperor of Rome.

            

Pullo (left), and Vorenus (right) are "Rome's enduring couple (Chicago Tribune)"

mulier est hominis confusio:

woman is man's ruin

The other main characters are Atia of the Julii (AT-ee-uh of the JOO-lee-eye, say it right!), her daughter Octavia, and her son Octavian, that guy who _SPOILERS IF YOU DON'T KNOW HISTORY_ becomes the first emperor of Rome. Octavia is sweet and easily manipulated. Octavian is level-headed and ambitious. Atia is the world class scheming lascivious spitfire provacatrix bitch siren who lies delightedly naked at the heart of the show. She is the ingenious plot device that ties all the worlds together. We know _SPOILERS IF YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK_ the cold, hard facts like Brutus stabs Caesar and Antony marries Cleopatra, but we'll never know why exactly they did it. In HBO's retelling of the story, Atia's plots and fallout therefrom are usually at the bottom of every major turn of events.

I thought this was awesome. Here is a historical figure we know little about who traveled in all of the circles necessary to influence the events of the era, and HBO created a character so interesting--that is to say, vivacious, spiteful, passionate, ambitious for her family, and a touch mad--that you enjoy the show's pitch for how these famous events are all tied together. History tells us what happens; this story tells us why it all happened. It fills in those gaps of knowledge that will perpetually haunt all lovers of history.

Of course it's not really true. Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo both existed and fought in the same legion under Caesar in the Gallic wars. They competed to become first spear and they share a funny incident on the battlefield, but that is all that is known of them. In real life Tacitus described Atia Balba Caesonia as a woman around which "no base word could be uttered without grave offence, and no wrong deed done," unimpeachable morals and the ideal Roman matron, etc. etc. The skeptic in me considers this to be propaganda about the mother of Emperor Numero Uno, but my rule of thumb for classics, and LESSON TWO for you guys, is Never Trust HBO Or Roman Historians On Anything. What should you do when you can't trust either source? Enjoy the stories!!

So,    there is a lot of cuddle time - -
Even John Adams has sex scenes in it (I read the book, I can promise you they didn't get it from there), and thus you can't really blame them for going overboard in a show like Rome. (Reason # 57 that you should love The Newsroom is because there's no sex and you're still completely captivated every single episode. Expect reviews--from me for sure, and perhaps from Christina--when season 2 gets here.) What really bothered me about this show was the violence. I'm certain that everything in the show and worse was done in real life in Rome and elsewhere on a regular basis. This isn't The Hunger Games where violence is stylized and minimized and fictional. This is real life, where gladiators were forced to say "Hail Caesar, we who are about to die salute you" before every match and where the kind of torture that serial killers perpetrate now that gives me nightmares was standard operating procedure for both entertainment and criminal justice.

What sicks me out is that people watch that stuff and enjoy it. This is probably a controversial theory, but I think watching violence like that sort of prevents people from getting bored and trying it on their own. So I'm happy we've progressed from personally attending death matches to play-acting it on tv. But I'm still freaked out that people enjoy those parts. This was the goriest show I have ever seen. I felt guilty for watching it.

Wait til you meet the kid; he's a trip.

And it's stressful because you fall in love with Vorenus and Pullo by the end of the first episode and spend the all foreseeable waking hours fretting about their safety. At first you're worried they'll die in battle and you just want them to get decommissioned so they can go home. Then you find out they are ill-suited to domestic life and get in so much trouble you actually sigh with relief when they go back in uniform. Then they get caught in one of the most famous Roman shipwreck disasters in history and take up with brigands. etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum (ha hahaha ah ha, the word nausea comes from the Roman word for seasickness because they hated water battles). If you watch this show, you will be stressing for them the whole time because that's how much you love them.

Rome was filmed on what is currently the largest outdoor set in the world.

If you don't know much Roman history, you'll have a hard time realizing the significance of some of the plot twists, and you won't know what's true and what's false. If you know a lot about Roman history, you may gnash your teeth and tear your hair in proper ancient soothsayer style if you're a stickler for accuracy. But you'll be enchanted if you don't worry about what's true and false and just get lost in the story. The characters are compelling. You get a feel for the grit and toil of plebe life as well as the luxury of the patrician life, enviable by today's standards. And there is much humor and poignancy in every episode. I shall leave you with a perfect little spoiler-free video from early in the series that nicely introduces Vorenus, Pullo, Atia, and Octavian. I hope you have enjoyed this essay on Rome!